If You Were a Score Sheet, Part 1

We've received some interesting score sheets in the last 13 years. We're received burned ones-though not anymore now that you can't smoke in bars, ones with drinks spilled on them, ones with dinner on them, ones with doodles, sheets with all the "O's", "e's", "6's", etc. colored in, ones whose envelope was completely doodled all over with the exception of the address area, ones with complaints made during a drunken rampage and one whose weekly fees were paid with winning lottery tickets-we only accept checks, cash and money orders now. But one that stands out in my mind most is the one received with wacky tobacky inside. For future reference, please pay for your weekly fees in cash or check.

Who has the best handwriting in the league? Probably Ambrose Brown. If he's on your team, please let him keep score. He writes so neatly and he's also a good shot. So kudos to Ambrose.

Chris O'Connor also has neat handwriting. Although, he has not been keeping score lately. Evelyn Bellear has bubble writing (no surprise there), Brooke Adams-most bubbly writing I've ever seen. Marianne Kiernan has nice handwriting and knows how to keep score, but can usually convince someone else (not Kevin) to keep score (bats those big blue eyes). Toast is probably the only one who can read on his team, The Nuggets. So, he keeps score (he's a local politician now). Patti Ford, Felt Up, best all-around score sheets-she usually keeps score-well, neat handwriting, not too bubbly writing, money is always perfect, postmarked the next day, keeps defense shots. What more could I ask for? Mario Cinturati always writes with a fine tipped red pen. Now the Alumni teams, please be aware that should your team make it to Vegas, your sheets will be closely reviewed by The National Office. I'm sorry Rui, they have probably already formed their opinion of you. Rui gets blasted every week on his sheets, should he ever get incarcerated, the poor boy... Gil Muirhead, he's a stickler for making sure all the "i's" get dotted and "t's" get crossed. He wants to make sure he gets it right (I don't see him as the score keeping type though-probably has a babe or two keeping score).

Most of the time when females keep score, it's because their boyfriends/husbands won't. Now, the girlfriends, most of the time they have legible handwriting. I like that. But, if they don't play in the league, they have no clue how to keep score, never mind knowing when to mark a defensive shot. So the girlfriends/wives (non-players) keep score and the boyfriends/husbands call the office to complain about handicaps. I love that, mental handicapping, very reliable, just like the girlfriend/wife/nonplayer score keeper. Now, I should say this is not always the case. But I can recall clearly two females calling about handicaps (the men call much more frequently) -and they played in the league and their boyfriends/husbands don't know how to keep score. Oh, and you must use a handicap review form for us to hear your complaint-handicaps are not discussed over the phone.

The Armed & Dangerous team out of Raxx, they should call themselves the revolving captain team. Every session, new captain. It's nice. Most communication from the office goes through the captain. So, I've had conversations with the different captains every session.

Sometimes, I rarely speak with a captain and my imaginary conversations with whom I deem the captain are quite entertaining. Take the team Sweet Leaf team for instance. The captain is Mark Pizzo. Mark's wife, Carole, is who I recognize as the captain. She is not listed on the roster though. She handles the paperwork, fills out and signs the check, mails the envelope, always post marked the next day. If the paperwork does not make it to the office, she did not handle it. She must have been on vacation, I wonder where she went? I mentally thank her every week for such efficiency.

Stay tuned, your score sheet will be analyzed too, provided you send one in...

Where are the Score Sheets?

So, you play pool, fill out your score sheet when you remember, mail it in, hopefully within a couple of days of playing and then it's on to the next week. And the whole process starts again. You'll pick up your sheets again, all pristine, clean, perfect and not a drop of alcohol on them until 7:35 pm, unless your team is late. What happens to the score sheets after you play? Here's a compilation as of late:

Sheets get lost in the mail (this tends to happen to the same people over and over again-I'm convinced it's a mailbox conspiracy). There's a certain mailbox in Brooklyn that Barry will not use as his sheets were lost there twice.

My wife forgot to mail it. You know, you say this to me. I am a wife. Do not insult the wives of this world. We, the wives, do not forget anything. You know this to be true-we remind you in every fight, by bringing up the past, we do not forget anything, Oh, and, we were right then. too.

I gave the sheets to _____. The policy still remains the same, your score sheet must be post marked the day after play. At some places of employment, you can change the date of post mark. We will never know. Even when it shows up 2 weeks later. We have no inkling, you can get one over on us every week, with no penalty. Or, so you think.